Blip on Your Radar
by Cinty
Summary: Dawson asks Joey to make a very special movie with Pacey.
1. Chapter 1

Okay I'm pretty sure this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever written - but I've got the whole story done - and at least it's not a depressing one! I'm only going to post more if I get some feedback - so please reply if you want it!

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"Joey I got the audition!" Dawson exclaims excitedly as I lower my book slightly to look at him.

"That's great Dawson," I say, tossing him a fake smile before returning to my book.

He sighs loudly and I put the book on the couch next to me. "What's up Dawson?"

"So, Jo… I'm really going to need you to help me out with this one. I need you to be my actress. There's an actual budget for this one, so I'll be able to pay you." He looks so excited as he leans into me. "I know you said no before, but this is really really important to me."

I backtrack my memory trying to remember exactly what audition he has gotten and what I had said no to. "Wait… which job is this?" I finally ask, watching the excitement disappear from his face.

"Seriously Joey? The contest I've been talking about for the past month. I've made it to the finals, and now I need to submit my amateur video. I know you said it was disgusting, but I swear it will be classy. I really need you to go with me on this one."

I stare at him for a minute, taking in his serious expression. "You don't mean the porn job do you?"

Shit I really needed to pay more attention when he tells me things.

"Yes!" he yelled in frustration. "Do you even listen when I talk to you? You have to have some idea how important this is to me. And I only have a week to pull it all together, which is why I need you to be my actress."

My phone vibrates for the third time since Dawson entered the room and I pull it from my pocket. I check the display, quickly reading a text from Jen "answer your phone damn it! Call me ASAP!" before turning my attention back to him. "I'm sorry. I think I'm hallucinating. Are you seriously asking me to be in the porno you're filming?"

Dawson takes my phone from my hands, and puts it on the table in front of us. "Joey, it's just to show them what I can do. It won't even be distributed, just viewed by the judges. I need you. This could be my big break."

I took a deep breath as I try to find some words. "How are you going to direct if you're having sex with me?" I finally ask.

He awkwardly smiles at me. "So um… I'm not going to be the one having sex with you."

"Dawson, you've got to be kidding me!" I exclaim, standing up from the couch and staring at him. "And just who do you think I'm going to fuck while you film it?"

And then, before he opens his mouth, I already know what he's going to say. "Pacey. It will be perfect."


	2. Chapter 2

My mouth is suddenly dry and I find myself unable to speak. "Too bad he's in Florida," I finally croak out.

Dawson looks at me strangely. "He's back. He's been back for a week. He didn't call you?"

No, no he didn't call me. In fact, he hasn't called me for over a year. Pacey is… or was... Dawson's best friend. The three of us grew up together, the three musketeers, our parents used to call us. I fell in love with Dawson when I was fifteen and fell in… well hate… with Pacey. Pacey and I fought constantly as Dawson and I tried to navigate the change from friendship to relationship. Dawson and I failed…. Multiple times. And junior year, after another failed attempt, Dawson sent Pacey to look after me, and somehow Pacey and I became close. Really close. And then he kissed me.

"Nope. He didn't agree to this did he?" I ask, trying to keep my tone even.

Pacey and I spent an amazing week making out and then we told Dawson we wanted to date. And he lost his shit. Lost it. He punched Pacey and refused to speak to him for weeks. Dawson had always been in my life, and when faced with an ultimatum, I couldn't walk away from that for some amazing kissing. And so I ended it with Pacey. Pacey and I went back to being friends, and he and Dawson repaired their friendship. But the thing is... as soon as I had made my choice - I regretted it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much deeper my feelings were. But Pacey was single for a short time after our… whatever you want to call it… and then immediately was in "relationship" after "relationship", I'm using quotes here because relationship may be a generous term. But there always seemed to be some girl who had his attention.

Pacey and I both attended college in Boston and frequently hung out together. That last month of school he and I started sleeping together… no not like that - just sleeping. It seemed to make more sense to just crash in his bed than to try to get home. And we were usually drunk enough to make snuggling okay. But that's all that happened. Okay and maybe some drunk hand holding. And then there was this party, and lots of vodka. The details of the night are completely hazy, but the one crystal clear piece of the night was me trying to kiss him and him pushing me away with a look of disgust on his face. And that was the last time I saw him. He avoided me until the end of school and then he moved to Florida without a word to me.

"I believe he said something like, 'oh I'll do it, and if you can get Joey to agree I'll eat my paycheck'" Dawson laughed.

I swallow, it sounds so loud as my head pulses. If I didn't know better, I'd think Pacey was daring me to say yes. "Dawson, what are you thinking? You seriously want me and Pacey to have sex while you film it?"

"I know it's a crazy thing to ask of you, but you two will be perfect together. You've always had that tension thing going on. Remember junior year when you actually thought you wanted to date him?" Dawson laughs casually. As if it hadn't broken my heart.

Something must be wrong with me, because I am actually considering this. This is ridiculous.

"And Joey… I feel like, if this is something you aren't willing to do for me, maybe we need to rethink this relationship." He says this as if he's asked me to loan him a dollar and I've refused. The voice in the back of my head that usually whispers to me that I need to end things is suddenly screaming.

"It's ten grand. You could do a lot with that money," he offers, standing up and putting his hand on my shoulder.

A knock on the door frame interrupts us, and we look up to see Pacey standing in the doorway.


	3. Chapter 3

A knock on the door frame interrupts us, and we look up to see Pacey standing in the doorway. He looks amazing, his skin is tan, his hair is light, his chest is broad and strong. His eyes flicker across me, but he doesn't look at me.

"Pacey welcome back!" I exclaim, smiling wide. I feel the smile drop from my face as he doesn't even look at me.

"Thanks Potter. I'm just here to grab the script. You find me a leading lady yet?" he asks, his gaze fixed on Dawson.

Dawson nods towards me. "She hasn't said no yet."

Pacey's gaze settles on me for the first time, without his eyes meeting mine, and he tosses me a small smile. "She will."

"Look I'll read the script and let you know, okay?" I say to Dawson. There's a script? For porn?

He hands Pacey and I each a binder. "Pacey, maybe you can give Joey a ride home? You two can catch up a bit?"

"Sure," Pacey says, but his expression looks like he really wants to say no.

"Keep an open mind Joey," Dawson says, kissing me on my cheek. I look up to see Pacey has already left the room.

"I'll call you tonight and let you know I guess," I say, wondering if he really thinks I will agree to this. Wondering if I will agree to this?

"I'm going to email you some links to check out too. It's softcore porn Joey, and with me directing, it will be a piece of artwork. You know that right?" he asks intensely.

I shrug my shoulders. Is there such a thing as porn that's artwork? "I'm going to get going, Pacey seems in a rush."

I slink out the door and rush down the stairs. Pacey is already sitting in his car waiting. I have no idea what has happened to the sweet guy I have known my entire life, but this guy obviously wants nothing to do with me.

I slide into the passenger seat, "nice ride," I say nodding towards the car's interior.

"It's a rental," he mutters, as he adjusts the radio.

We are both silent on the drive to my house. I'd like to know how Dawson thinks we are going to have sex when we apparently don't even speak words to each other anymore. Is he really this mad at me over a silly drunken kiss? I wish I could remember what else happened that night, because obviously Pacey hasn't forgotten.

He pulls into my driveway and puts his car in park. "Thanks for the ride I guess," I say softly, begging him to look at me.

"Look, do you need money or something? Because if it's the money, I'll give it to you," he asks gruffly. He keeps his hands on his steering wheel with his eyes looking straight ahead.

"What?" I ask stupidly.

'Why, why on earth would you be considering this? If it's the money, you can have it."

"You're just going to… give me… ten grand?" I ask confused, I unbuckled my seatbelt and turn to face him slightly.

"If it keeps you from doing something you don't want to do, then yes," he says tightly.

"You have that kind of money to just throw around," I ask curiously.

"I just sold my condo, and I'm back at my dad's. I have the money."

This entire conversation his gaze is fixed on my garage door in front of us and he still isn't looking at me.

"What happened, why are you back?"

He sighs, his fingers nervously drumming on the steering wheel. "My dad's been getting sicker and sicker. He asked me to come home and help him out. He said he needed someone who wouldn't treat him like a pansy." His lips turn into a slight smile, and I recognize immediately that it meant a lot for him to have his dad ask for help.

"What about you? Why are you still in Capeside?" he asks, his posture softening a little, his hands drop from the steering wheel. He is still not looking at me.

I shrug my shoulders. "Bessie decided the B&B thing wasn't for her. They went to live in Connecticut with Bodie's family. So it was either abandon my mother's dream or abandon mine." I want to tell him I'm not unhappy with my choice, that there's something about choosing to be back here and recognizing after those years in Boston just how beautiful it is here. But I don't.

"And conveniently enough, Dawson's back too," Pacey says tightly.

"What about Ashley?" I ask. The slight smile drops immediately from his face.

"She opted to stay in Florida. Look, I've got to get going. This… thing… it's not happening tomorrow, right?"

I sigh, louder than I intend to. "Pacey… are you that unattracted to me? You spent all of our high school years making jokes about sex with me. Is it really that revolting?" my voice cracks a little as I speak, I blink back the tears are threatening to fall.

And then, he finally looks at me. At this point I'm unprepared for it, and locking eyes with him I suddenly find myself unable to breath. In fact it feels as if I've had the wind knocked out of me. His gaze is intense, laced with something that looks like pain and hurt.

"You know that's not true. It's just… I've known you my entire life, this doesn't sound like something you would do."

I shrug my shoulders as I'm the one to break the eye contact. "You know what Pacey, you haven't spoken a single word to me in over a year. It's possible you just don't know me anymore."

I open the car door and grab my script without looking at him. Let's see how he likes this treatment. I slam the car door and walk into my house.


	4. Chapter 4

So this started out as a writing exercise for myself - but I actually really like the story I ended up writing! You know the rules - reviews if you want more!

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I toss myself on the couch and finally let the tears fall. The not speaking the past year was easy compared to this. He and I were so close… how did we end up here? My phone buzzes again and I finally answer it.

"Hello?"

"Joey! I've been trying to get ahold of you all day… did you know Pacey's back!" Jen exclaims into the phone.

"You're a day late and a dollar short," I mutter into the phone.

"Shit… you're crying. You saw him? Have you already talked to Dawson too?"

I laugh. "Boy do I wish I'd talked to you before I saw Dawson. He called you?"

"Oh yes," Jen laughs. "I told him there's no way you'd ever do it."

I don't answer her and I hear her sigh into the phone. "Joey, no Joey… seriously? You need to learn to say no to Dawson!"

"I can say no to him," I say tightly. Jen is not a fan of me and Dawson and says things like this frequently.

"Good… so do it!"

"It's not like it's going to go up on pornhub, it's just an audition tape," I explain, as if this answer is completely logical.

Jen obviously does not buy my bull shit. "Joey, I'm trying to figure out what advice I would give you here if this was some random guy versus the fact that it's Pacey."

"If it was a random guy we wouldn't be having this conversation," I say softly as I curl up onto my couch.

"Shit Joey, you can't do this. This will kill you."

"It's my only chance," I say helplessly into the phone. "He wouldn't even look at me!"

"Kiddo, this isn't the chance you want. Please think about this. You and Pacey haven't talked in over a year. You are going to get naked with him and let Dawson film it? Joey there is no part of this that is a good idea."

"Stop being right damn it!" I exclaim into the phone. "I'll call you later okay?"

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I take a sip of wine as I watch the videos Dawson has emailed. He was right, they actually are kinda classy. Classy might not be the right word, but I'm surprised to find myself entertained and mildly turned on. My phone vibrates with a text and I pull it out of my pocket.

Pacey: Can we talk?

I take a deep breath and text him back: Can't talk… too busy watching porn.

My phone rings almost instantly. "How's your porn?" he asks softly. His voice sounds softer, more relaxed, less angry.

"Pretty hot actually," I say as I grin into the phone.

"You're actually considering this, aren't you?"

"Maybe if you didn't hate me."

He is silent for a moment and then he takes a deep breath. "I don't hate you. I just.." his voice trails off.

"I don't even remember that night you know. Pacey, what could I have done that made things so bad you won't even look at me?" My voice sounds desperate. I am desperate.

"It doesn't really matter anymore does it?" the gruffness in his voice is back.

"The fact that I lost my best friend over it does"

"Since when am I your best friend? I thought that was Dawson's role," he says harshly.

"Then you've obviously been reading his script, not mine. Can't you please tell me what I did?"

"You made me realize I needed to grow up and move beyond our little incestuous group and make some new friends. I had to cut it you out of my life for a while Jo, but… it wasn't easy for me."

The video I paused on my computer suddenly starts playing, and loud moaning fills the room and based on Pacey's laughter, the phone.

"You could at least wait until I hang up," he laughs in mock shock.

We are silent for a moment. "I'm willing to do this Jo. But I wish you weren't." he says finally.

"You think I'm going to chicken out Pace, but I'm not," I say fiercely.

"Never willing to back down from a dare, Ahh there's the Potter I know and love. For the record… this is not a dare." his voice sounds a bit sad as he speaks.

"Got it. Now let me go, I need to practice my fake orgasm!" I tease into the phone, attempting to restore our normal banter.

"Let's hear it," he says, his voice suddenly intimate.

I know he thinks I won't. Which is why I do my best When Harry met Sally impression of the orgasm scene. It's pretty epic if I do say so myself.

"Hey Jo?" he says softly into the phone. "You won't need to fake it tomorrow."

"I um… I don't do that," I mumble awkwardly. The second the words leave my mouth I regret telling him.

"You don't orgasm?" I hear the surprise in his voice as he speaks.

"I um… have on my own but that's it. Never during sex." I'm cringing as I speak. What did I just admit to him? I want to tell him that Dawson and I have only had sex a handful of times and it's been pretty damn horrible every time. And that's really the bulk of my experience. I figure he doesn't really want to hear about my sex life… or lack thereof.

"Then you've obviously been having the wrong kind of sex! Don't worry, I'll show you tomorrow."

"Oh you think you're that good?" I hear my voice flirting with him.

"Oh I know I'm that good," he says, his voice husky.

The phone is silent, I look down at my phone and see he has hung up. I'm pretty sure Pacey is all talk... but damn I can't stop hoping maybe he isn't.

I send a quick text to Dawson: I'm in. I'll do it.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks everyone for reviewing! They really make my day - please keep them coming!

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When I walk into the kitchen, Pacey is already sitting at Dawson's kitchen table with Dawson.

"Hey guys," I say quietly, feeling both of their eyes on me. I instantly regret my yoga pants and sweatshirt decision as I notice how great Pacey looks in a light blue sweater and dark jeans. The kind of outfit a girl must have bought him.

"I told you she'd show!" Dawson says triumphantly.

Pacey looks disappointed and I find myself biting my lip. Jen was right, no part of this is a good idea.

"So guys.. I forgot to mention something. You may have noticed something was missing in the script?" Dawson begins. Pacey and I exchange glances, and we both stare blankly at him.

Dawson sighs. "There's no condom. Is that okay with you guys?"

I stare at him in shock. I'm on the pill, so that's not a problem. The problem is that Dawson has refused to have sex with me without a condom. I'm not exactly sure why, but he's been very insistent about it. Apparently I don't need a condom to have sex with Pacey though?

Pacey shrugs his shoulders, "I've been tested. If Joey's comfortable with it, that's okay with me."

I swallow. "Yeah that's okay." I know Pacey can tell I'm uncomfortable with this, and I'm sure he's thinking it has to do with him. Dawson looks so damn casual about this. What the fuck is wrong with him? Or more importantly, what the fuck is wrong with me that I am still dating him?

"I'm going to go get everything set up. I'll call you up when I'm ready for you."

Dawson disappears without a second glance back at either of us. He is obviously very excited about this project. You know the project of watching his girlfriend and bestfriend have sex?

I sit down next to Pacey just as he gets up from his seat. He places a bottle of vodka in front of me and two shot glasses.

"I'm having one, do you want?" he asks as he pours himself a shot and sits back down. I nod my head, biting my lip as he pours me a full shot. We sit in silence, neither of us moving to drink the vodka in front of us.

"Do you remember Dawson's first kiss," he asks finally.

"Ummm…. Where you going with this one?" I ask hesitantly. This used to be quite the sore spot for me, it was actually Jen who was his first kiss in what seems a lifetime ago.

"Do you remember the endless worry about his first kiss? It had to be perfect, romantic, story book. But what did he want your kiss to be?"

I smile at the memory. "He wanted me to kiss this rather unkissable guy for his movie," I tease. The guy of course, was Pacey.

"You get to matter. You matter. His dreams do not have to be yours. You get to have your own romantic storyline. You can say no to him, you know," Pacey says finally. He tips his shot into his mouth and then looks to me.

"I know I can," I say tightly. He sounds just like Jen. I can say no to him damn it.

"Then really Jo, what are we doing here?" he asks, frustrated.

"It's not about him," I say finally. I swallow my shot and slide the glass back towards the bottle of vodka. He pours both of us another.

"What's it about then?"

I drink my shot, the burning liquid flowing down my throat giving me courage I don't usually have. "God Pacey," I say finally. "Haven't you ever wondered?"

He stares at me for a moment, his expression stony. "Wondered what Joey?"

"About us," I say softly. He looks shocked for a moment, his jaw dropping as he looks at me. And then as quickly as I saw it, it was gone. He swallows his shot and plays with the glass in front of him.

He slowly turns and looks at me. His eyes meet mine, and his eyes are finally relaxed and I can see the real Pacey again. His eyes look pained and hurt, which is not the reaction I was expecting. I once again have that feeling of being punched in the gut. Something is becoming incredibly clear. This isn't about a drunken kiss, something else happen that night and it hurt him deeply.

He sighs. "Of course I've wondered." And for a moment we just look at each other, neither of us moving. And then the moment is gone, and his pained expression is replaced by his arrogant playful one. "I gotta tell you thought Jo, all the times I've wondered, it's never involved Dawson with a video camera. Jen maybe…" he grins at me.

"Guys I'm ready for you," Dawson calls.

We both stand up and Pacey puts his hand on my shoulder. He looks at me for a moment, and then reaches out his hand and brushes a stray hair behind my ear. And then he slowly leans down and kisses me. It's soft at first, but I find myself increasing the intensity of the kiss. My entire body is humming as his tongue gently plays with mine. He abruptly cuts the kiss off.

I stare at him waiting for an explanation. "I just… I felt like I needed to kiss you before you put my dick in your mouth. I'll see you up there," he says. He turns and walks up the stairs. I take a deep breath, shaking me head in confusion. Pacey… just kissed me. I hear Jen's voice in my head telling me no part of this is a good idea. I push my inner Jen out of my head and head up the stairs.


	6. Chapter 6

Okay so this whole fic started as a writing exercise for me, because there's certain scenes I tend to steer clear of. I still didn't really get where I wanted to with this - but I guess I'll stop sitting on it and post. I have some major stage fright posting this one - so please give me feedback! Oh also I'm going to say this update is for mature audiences only.

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Dawson has set me up on his moms bed, in a nightgown I'm praying isn't his moms. I'm laying across the bed with a laptop in front of me. So here's the basic premise: I'm a horny housewife who is searching for a vibrator online. I order it and Pacey is my delivery man. Ridiculous I know.

"Action," Dawson calls. I take a deep breath. This is happening.

I sigh (per script) loudly as I browse the vibrators, select one and put it in my cart. I look at the clock and then suddenly there is a knock at the door.

"Your package ma'am" Pacey says as he enters the room. Pacey is dressed in what looks like a UPS uniform. He's grinning at me with a spark in his eyes as I turn to face him.

"That's not the package I'm interested in," I say (per script), as I put my hand on his crotch. He has an amused look on his face, and I can tell he's mentally counting the minutes until I back out. And in that moment - I decide I am not backing out. I bravely unbutton his pants and slide them and his boxers off. And then it's just him…. Hard in front of me. He's considerably larger than Dawson and, while I've never found looking at penises very exciting, his is rather impressive. I take him in my mouth, as I look up at him. I've given quite a few blow jobs since Dawson and I have started dating. (Every time he cries because I don't want to have sex with him, it's so much easier to just give him a quick bj. I've never enjoyed a single one, but it's better than having to have sex with him.) Something about this… I don't know… maybe it's because I'm not me at the moment but this is hot. Pacey is moaning and his hands are in my hair and I have this incredible feeling of power. I start sucking with vigor, used to trying to end the situation as soon as possible.

"Slow down tiger," he mutters, his voice husky and sexy. I slow my movement down and slowly swirl my tongue around the tip of his cock. Yup I'm using the word cock right now, which seems pretty unlike me but I'm liking whoever this girl is. And so is Pacey. He is groaning as I run my tongue up the length of him. And then rather abruptly he's pushing my shoulders away from him and moving me towards the bed. And end first scene one.

Scene two is the part I've been dreading, he is supposed to go down on me. Which when I read it in the script just sounds awkward. (Dawson once told me he thinks going down on a woman is disgusting. I had no interest in him trying so that was the end of the discussion.) Pacey somewhat hesitantly slides my underwear off of me, tossing it on the floor behind him. And for a moment we just look at each other, wondering if this is really going to happen? This seems a million times more intimate than what just happened. But then Pacey is spreading my legs and slowly kissing along my inner thigh. And then his tongue dips in between my legs. And oh my God… whatever he is doing is amazing. And if someone else in the room videotaping - I have completely forgotten. His tongue is rapidly moving back and forth and then his fingers join his tongue and that's when I feel it.

"Fuck," I mutter as I feel myself losing control, as I feel my hips starting to buck against his mouth. And then I'm moaning and swearing and my entire body is trembling. Holy shit - he wasn't lying. He looks up at me, smiling in victory, but his eyes are warm and loving.

"Guys, that was perfect," Dawson's voice cuts in excitedly. "Joey, try to keep your orgasms realistic sounding though, okay?"

Pacey lets out a small snort as his lips brush the side of my hip.

"Do either of you need a drink? A break?" Dawson asks enthusiastically.

Oh my God, why is he talking?

"Shut up Dawson," Pacey mutters as his lips continue their journey up my body. And end scene two.

Now, according to the script, Pacey is supposed to leave his uniform top on, but he abruptly pulls away from me and yanks it over his head. I sit up (per script) and he removes my nightgown. His eyes scan my body for a moment, and the heat behind his eyes is unmistakable. He presses his naked body against mine, and covers my lips with his. The script didn't call for us kissing at all, but obviously Dawson has decided to just let us go with it. His fingers find my nipple as he moves his lips to my neck.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" he whispers in my ear. I nod my head unable to speak. He positions himself between my legs and slowly eases himself in. I hear myself moan as if I have no control over my own body. And as I moan, I can feel him relax. His lips are back to my ear, sucking on my earlobe as he slowly pumps in and out of me. And then… I feel it again. "Oh fuck," I mutter. "Oh fuck."

"Such language Potter," he teases in my ear as he continues sucking on my ear while he rubs my nipple with his thumb. And then I'm orgasming again, and as I do Pacey increases his pace as he slams in and out of me. "You're fucking amazing. You're so beautiful,' he pants in my ear. And then he mumbles what sounds like 'I love you', but I'm sure I misheard. He cries out as he orgasms, his entire body shudders against me and he's still for a moment before he moves off of me. He slides to my side, his arms wrapped around me. I don't move, I can't speak, I have no idea what just occurred, but I'm pretty sure it ceased to be Dawson's film a long time ago.

"You guys ready for the last scene or you need a break?" Dawson interrupts as Pacey and I lay there in pure shell shock.

Pacey looks over at me with worried eyes, as if he's done something wrong. I try to smile encouragingly at him as I nod.

He stands up and picks up his shirt from off the floor and puts it on. My eyes scan his body, trying to commit it to memory before he covers up. Yes he still has no pants on, I have no idea if that's part of the script or not.

"Ma'am I'm still going to need you to sign for this package," he says as he picks up the package and holds it over the bed. "Whoops," he says as the vibrator tumbles out (per script).

"I don't think I'll be needing that package after all," I say in my best sexy voice, but I'm having trouble remembering what I'm supposed to be doing. But that's the last line. It's over.

"I'm going to get dressed," Pacey says, his eyes seeking mine out. I know he's worried he's somehow overstepped his bounds, despite the fact that this whole damn thing was my idea. I try to smile at him, but I feel like the smile doesn't reach my lips. What the hell just happened? Pacey disappears from the room, and Dawson hands me a robe, which I gratefully put on.

"Joey, you were amazing!" Dawson exclaims. How is he so calm after what he witnessed? Because I'm pretty sure what just happened was pure magic, and no part of it resembles the sex Dawson and I have had.

Pacey pops his head back in the room wearing his old guarded expression. "I'm going to get out of here. I'll see you guys later?"

"Pacey, thank you so much! You were amazing. Are you sure you don't want to stay and watch with us? There is no way I'm not going to win!"

He nods his head as he looks to me. "I'm just going to get going. See you around Potter?" he asks casually.

"See ya Pace," I say equally as casually. I wonder if he can hear the sound of my heart breaking as he walks away. Oh God… what was I thinking?


	7. Chapter 7

Enjoying everyone's reviews - please keep them coming!

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Dawson turns to me. "I knew that tension would look great on film. Look!" he attaches his camera to his computer and suddenly the screen is full of me and Pacey fucking. I would have thought that seeing my naked body on film would be embarrassing, but watching the two of us… we are beautiful. Dawson reaches his hand out and puts it on my ass. "I've gotta say, this video may be a winner. It's certainly got me worked up. You want to?"

My mouth drops open as I look at him. He wants to have sex? After watching me and Pacey? After Pacey came in me? Okay he is seriously messed up.

"You can not be serious." I say flatly.

"What can I say, that was amazing." Dawson exclaims. He grabs my hand and puts it between his legs so I can feel his hard on. "Can you feel how much I want you right now."

I yank my hand away. "Dawson… it's over." I don't expect these words to come out of my mouth, but as soon as they do - I feel this enormous sense of relief.

"What?" he asks, his face contorted in confusion.

"You just watched me and Pacey fuck… and your response is you want to have sex with me? Dawson…. You are seriously deluded. What you just witnessed… do you really think I'm that good of an actress? Those orgasms you thought were so unrealistic… that was all real. What you just saw was real… at least for me."

He lets out a snort. "Wait… are you actually telling me you think what just happened with you and Pacey was real? Oh Joey come on! You are not this stupid."

When I don't answer him, he continues his assault. "Fucking is what Pacey knows how to do. You think you're special? Come on! He knows exactly how to make a girl feel special in bed. But now that it's over… where is he now?"

His words snag my heart a bit, as I find myself fumbling for words.

Fuck. He's right. What was I thinking?

"It doesn't matter if it was real to him or not, it's what I want," I say confidently. My voice falters a bit as I speak so perhaps I don't deliver the line as confidently as I think. "Dawson, I'm sorry, but I'm done. This relationship is over."

He stares at me, as he finally understands the words that I'm saying. "It can't be over Joey. You and I, we are meant to be. This is love. You are never going to find anyone who loves you like I do. You have to know that!"

"I'm pretty sure if you really felt that way about me, you wouldn't have ever asked me to have sex with your friend while you videotaped us."

Dawson's sneer turns to tears. He knows I can't say no to those tears. He knows with them he can get me to do anything. And I mean anything. I find myself faltering; my body propelling me forward to wrap my arms around him and tell him I forgive him. Luckily my feet refuse to actually move.

"Stay with me Joey. You know how I get once I have a project in my head! I forget reality. You're right, I should have never asked that of you. But listen Joey, this is what's real. I'm real. And I love you with all my heart."

I bite my lip as I stare at his face, crocodile tears falling down his face. I could stay. He'd cry until we had sex, I'd give in because I apparently can't say no to him. Eventually he will propose and we will get married and have kids and I'll live my entire life thinking about that one moment with Pacey and wonder if that's what it's supposed to feel like.

"I'm sorry Dawson." He stares at me incredulous as his tears become sobs. If he was faking the tears to begin with, he isn't now.

"I"m sorry," I mumble again as I turn and walk out of his house. He calls after me multiple times, but thankfully doesn't follow me. It's only when I get outside I realize I'm still in my robe. Luckily this is Capeside and so I've left all my stuff in the car. The entire drive home I replay Pacey's lips on my body, my heart racing as I do so. That look in his eyes... it felt so damn real. I pull into my driveway and see Jen's car parked in my driveway. She opens the door for me and wraps me in a tight hug. I sob loudly as she holds me tight.

"How'd you know?" I ask finally.

"You really need to check that phone of yours more. I left you like 10 messages."

"It was in my car," I sniffle as Jen lets go of me and we walk over to the couch. She hands me a glass of wine and I take it gratefully.

"So you went through with it?" she asks, nodding toward my robe.

"Oh god Jen… it was amazing. It was awful. And then… I broke up with Dawson."

"You what?" she asks, staring at me in shock. "Oh Joey, I'm so proud of you!"

I laugh. "I realize it was way overdue. But… what do I do now?"

"Now, you start your life as a grownup! You stop living Dawson's script and live your own. Damn Joey… this is so awesome! Now, how did you leave things with Pacey?"

"He pissed out of there pretty quickly after. I have no idea." I want to tell her about the 'I love you' but I know he didn't mean it and can't hear her verify that.

"Do you want to come out to Boston with me for the night? Maybe a change of scenery would be good for you? I've got to be back in the city for a meeting and I don't want to leave you alone."

I take a big sip of my wine. "I think I just want my own bed tonight. Thanks for driving all the way out here for me Jen. You're awesome, you know!"

"I know," she grins at me. "Now I need all the dirty details. You better be sharing!"

I smile at her and tell her all about it.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey I finally finished my update! Please provide feedback if you want the updates coming!

88

By the time Jen has left I'm feeling much better. The thought of living without Dawson in my life has been so scary, but now I'm recognizing that maybe all this time I've been letting him hold me back. I've known since day one of us dating after college I didn't feel the right way about him. I just didn't feel strong enough to be on my own. But if I were to really look at the past year, I'd realize that while I'm always there for Dawson, he has never been there for me. I've already been on my own.

A knock on my door interrupts my thoughts. I open the door expecting to see Dawson, but instead it's Pacey.

"What are you doing here?" I ask hesitantly as my eyes meet his.

He sighs and rakes his hand through his short hair. "Dawson told me you broke up with him. I just… I'm confused… why would you do what you did with me only to break up with him?"

"I told you today wasn't about him," I say softly, biting on my lip.

He sighs again. "Can we sit?" He asks. I lead him into our living room and we sit on the couch. A couch we spent half of high school on laughing and joking, and for that magical week junior year making out on.

"So, you said today was about wondering. Did you get your answer? Do you feel better now that you know?" he's looking at his sneakers as he speaks.

"No," I croak out.

He finally looks up from his sneakers to my eyes. "I thought… I thought you enjoyed yourself?" he asks, his voice faltering slightly. Oh Jesus - he thinks this is about his sexual ability?

"Look Pacey. I know what happened between us junior year was hardly a blip on your radar but…"

"A blip on my radar," he interrupts incredulously. He stands up and stares at me. "A blip on my fucking radar," he repeats, this time angrily. Oh shit… he is pissed. He paces back in forth in front of me, repeating the words blip and radar over and over. And then he stops in front of me.

"Do you really not know that I was in-fucking-love with you?" he exclaims as he spreads his arms wide.

What? I feel my mouth drop open slightly. He sighs as he sits down next to me. "Did you really not know I was in love with you?" he asks more gently.

"I don't understand," I say.

"Joey, how could you not have know?" he asks gently.

"You started dating like a week later," I explain slowly.

He sighs, frustrated. "To get over you! To return things to normal. To restore the balance of the force so that we could return to our regularly scheduled programming. Did you ever notice the girls never lasted very long… wait no of course you did," he adds the last bit with a twinge of anger.

"Pacey, you flinch everytime I touch you!"

"I do what?"

I reach out and touch his leg and we both watch as he involuntarily slides away from me. "Do you know how painful it is when you touch me? I didn't realize I flinched, but I do know that I wasn't able to deal with how it made me feel."

"Past tense?" I ask, hearing a question in my voice I didn't mean to ask: are you still in love with me.

"Past tense," he says tightly.

"When did you stop?"

"I think you know when," he says. He holds his jaw tight and he's back to staring at his damn sneakers. And in case you are curious, they are white and not that interesting to look at.

"Pacey, please… won't you tell me what happened that night?" I implore. I reach out and touch him on the shoulder. He flinches away from my touch.

He clears his throat and moves his body away from me even further. "What do you remember?"

"I remember Jen and I mixing vodka and this gross powdered lemonade. I remember you showing up and me deciding I needed to tell you how I felt. And I remember trying to kiss you, and you shoving me away. And then you just left me there, crying on the floor."

"Well you certainly told me how you felt," he mutters.

I play the night back in my memory, but just like every time before, there's no new details. Nothing except that shove away from him; as if I was the most repulsive person alive.

He doesn't say anything for a couple minutes, and then he stands up like he's going to leave. He turns and looks at me, I meet his eyes and wipe away the tears I feel forming there. He sighs, as if defeated and sits back down.

"So… if you recall I was working that night . I wasn't even going to come out that night until you called and begged. When I showed up I was very sober, and you were definitely not. You dragged me off to Jen's room and sat me down." He sighs, the noise coming out ragged as if he's trying not to cry.

"Pacey.. I just… want to tell you… Dawson… you just… Dawson. You're just a stopover on my way to finding true love with Dawson," he slurs in a drunken interpretation of me. His voice returns to normal, twinged with bitterness. "And then you told me that it had always been Dawson. And that I was incapable of having a serious relationship and may in fact be incapable of ever loving anyone… and why would you ever want to be with someone like that."

"Jesus," I breath as a tangible memory begins to form in my head.

"You said I was the kind of guy who would just fuck you and leave you. That the only reason I had been your friend for our entire life was that I just wanted one thing from you. And that I was too stupid to ever amount to anything. That even if I ever found a woman I loved enough to commit to that I wouldn't be able to find a job to support us. I think that about covers it, only your version was a lot less coherent, a lot longer… and a lot more painful. And then you tried to kiss me."

"Pacey," I say, my voice just a whisper. He's just looking at the floor this entire time, his face drawn and sad.

"And I gently pushed you away, and you dramatically fell to the floor and started sobbing. I left the room and called Jen and didn't leave until I knew she was with you."

I can't even speak for a minute. He is hunched over in a defeated position, and I realized by him telling me I just forced him to relive it.

"Pacey… how could you ever think I meant those words? How could you think I meant even a small piece of that?" My voice is shaking as I speak. Because I remember.

He meets my eyes, his eyes full of darkness and sorrow. "Because those are your fears about yourself," I answer for him. "God Pacey, none of that is what I think of you. Jesus, I was…. I was trying to explain to you all the reasons Dawson told me we couldn't date junior year. The reasons he reminded me all through college about. Those were his words, not mine. God Pacey… I feel so awful. I was trying to tell you why I stopped things junior year."

He swallows and looks at me. I look into that hurt I caused, and fight the urge to look away. God… how drunk had I been that instead of delivering how I felt about him, I served up all of his worst fears.

"I was trying to tell you I loved you. Oh God…" and then I burst into tears. I can remember threads of all the words he just told me, and I can hear how he heard those words. I didn't just hurt him, I decimated him.

"You… loved me?" he asks in confusion. His face is still stony but his eyes have softened a bit.

"I was trying to tell you that junior year I let Dawson in my head. He made me doubt myself, and doubt what you and I had. I knew I wanted to be with you… but by the time I realized it… you were never single. Never. There was always some girl of the moment. Until that last month of school. I thought it was my chance to make a move. Only apparently instead of doing that, I said the worst words I could have ever said to you. To the person I love. I had no interest in being with Dawson. There was no path to fucking true love with him. I hadn't even spent any time with him other than his father's funeral."

"He told me you two were getting back together… before that night…" Pacey said quietly.

"I had no interest. We only ended up together because we were both back in Capeside. I was trying to get this job with my exboyfriend's father… do you remember Ethan?"

Pacey lets out a snort to let me know he does indeed remember Ethan.

"I got invited to this event and asked Dawson to come be my fake boyfriend. And after, he tried to kiss me, and when I told him I didn't feel that way he… well he cried. And so I just… went with it. It was hard here. I felt like I'd lost everyone I loved all at once. Bessie, Boddie, Alex, you…. And Jen and Jack stayed in the city which felt a world away. Overnight I had a business I needed to learn to run and fast since we were already so booked for the summer. I didn't want to be with him, but everytime I tried to tell him how I felt he would cry and just make me feel so awful. I didn't want to sleep with him, but he made me feel like my rejection destroyed him, and so to stop him from hurting I did. Every time I tried to change things he would cry and I just couldn't do it."

"He cried until you had sex with him?" Pacey mutters, his face disgusted.

"You and Jen were right. I can't say no to him. I've never been able to see him hurt. And he knows that. And I know today wasn't real… but it felt real. It felt like what I've always wanted. So whatever you think about today, for me it was life altering in the best possible way. It gave me the strength to walk away from him.."

"Today was real Jo," Pacey says softly.

"Why did you Pacey? If you thought I really meant all those horrible things, how could you go through with today? How could you even look at me?"

He sighs. "I don't know. To prove you wrong, to prove you right. To prove to myself I was over you…. I have no idea… because today just put me right back to where I was a year ago."

"And where is that?" I ask softly.

"In fucking love with you."

I reach out and take his hand, and he doesn't flinch. He grips my hand tightly and turns his body to face me. "I lived the entire past year of my life trying to be who you said I wasn't, finding a stable job, buying a condo, having a stable relationship. I don't know how to move past what happened."

I nod my head, as I try not to cry. I don't get to cry, I caused this, not him. I feel a tear run down my cheek and he reaches out and brushes it off.

"And Jo… I also need you to think about something. You did mean some of what you said. You might not have ever said it, but you did mean it."

"Pace… that's not ever what I've thought of you,"I say fiercely.

He looks at me solemnly. "You never once thought that maybe I was too much of a slacker to find a job?"

I meet his eyes, "I never doubted your ability to land on your feet. I never doubted your intelligence… but okay maybe I did worry that you would never believe in yourself to be successful."

He nods and looks satisfied with my answer. "And you never thought if you and I hooked up that would be the end of things?"

I take a deep breath. He's right. "Okay… but you need to look at things from my point of view. Look at the girls you date!"

"What kind of girls do I date?" he asks, a confused look on his face. Like he doesn't know.

"You date all these gorgeous girls. As Dawson once put it, you date tens… and I'm lucky if I'm a six," I shrug awkwardly.

"Oh Jesus, I don't even know where to begin with this one. Dawson told you you're a six?" he asks horrified. I cringe. I don't want him to think I'm fishing for compliments, it's obvious I'm nothing like the girls he dates. He pulls his phone out of his pocket.

"Okay I hope this isn't weird for you, but I want to show you a picture of Ashley." Oh God… I don't want to see this, but I lean over and look at his phone display anyway. Only I immediately see why he is showing me the picture. In the picture, Pacey has his arm wrapped around Ashley, they both have wide smiles on their faces and look quite in love. The other thing I see, is that Ashley is not the beautiful coiffed overly made up girl Pacey normally dates; she looks normal. I"m struck by a sudden realization that somehow this makes her feel like more of a threat.

"You look happy," I say slowly. "What happened with her?"

He sighs as he puts his phone away. "When my dad asked me to move home, she asked me if I saw a future with her. A future that included mariage. And when I thought about it… there was person I ever imagined spending my future with and it wasn't her."

I swallow loudly as I look at him. Who did he imagine a future with then?

"That would be you, since you seem a bit daft in this department," he adds, a hint of amusement on his face.

"You imagined a future with me?" I ask slowly.

"Did you never imagine one with me?" he asks as he settles his body onto the couch, sliding his body slightly closer to me.

"Honestly Pace… I never dared to imagine one. I never imagined… I didn't realize… God I fucked this all up," I mutter finally.

"Joey, I need to say something here. Despite whatever Dawson has got you believing, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever known. The woman that I set the standard of beauty by. You are beyond a ten. Honestly… Joey… what the hell were you doing with him? What has he done to you?"

I shrug my shoulders, embarrassed by the attention. I know I'm not the beauty he is describing, but his face looks so honest and passionate I believe him. I don't speak for a minute or two… how do I describe how much I let Dawson manipulate me? How him knowing me so well meant that he knew exactly how to control me. "I feel like you spent our year of not speaking becoming a grownup. You came home confident and together. And I'm… I've somehow reverted back to a high schooler. "

He slowly slides his body even closer to mine, and he reaches out and touches my hand. I close my eyes as I grip his hand tightly. "I'm so sorry Pace. I'm sorry I was so oblivious to how you felt, I'm sorry my lack of confidence didn't allow me to see what could've been. I'm sorry I talked you into this morning when it was the last thing that should have happened. I'm sorry I made us miss our opportunity." I'm crying again… shit I'm becoming Dawson. Well Dawson minus all that mind game shit he did to me.

"I'm gonna fucking kill him," Pacey mutters. "What has he done to you? The Joey I know fights for what she wants."

I'm not sure what he means by this, but this seems to be as good of time to lay my cards out on the table. "I want you," I say fiercely. "I want you to give us a chance."

He nods his head and stands up. "Here's the deal Joey. I want to give this a chance. But if we're going to do this… we are going to do this right. So I think maybe what this needs is a bit of time. I think maybe you don't know how much he has fucked with your head. So I'm going to leave, before I give into how much I want to touch you. And we will give it some time."

I wipe the tears from my face as I look to him. "When did you become the practical one?"

He tosses me a small smile, "It's possible I've grown up. I'm glad we talked Jo."

We both stand up and he pulls me into his arms. I close my arms as I feel his muscular arms wrapped around me. I could stay here forever. I feel his hands slowly moving about my back and then he abruptly steps back from me.

"Time," he says slowly. "Yes we need that time thing."

I smile at him. I want to tell him not to leave, but I also know he's right.

"Okay time." I say softly. I watch sadly as he walks towards the door. He smiles an apologetic smile and then he's gone. And I'm alone.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey I finally finished this one! Please please let me know if you're reading.

88

I flip over in my bed and cover my head with a pillow to try to block out a loud banging noise outside my window. The noise continues and eventually I slide my body out of my bed. It's been three days since Dawson and I ended things and he has shown up at my house at least twenty times. Each time with a new strategy… sometimes crying, sometimes screaming. I haven't let him in yet, even though I know at some point I need to talk to him. I sigh as I walk over to the window, trying to prepare myself for yet another blow out. But to my surprise it's not Dawson, it's Pacey. He's outside crouched in front of my fence fixing one of the broken slats.

I quickly pull on my jeans and my favorite black top that makes my boobs look awesome and run to my front door. I then, as casually as I can muster, walk over to him.

"Funny," I say softly. "I was hoping my day would begin with some banging."

He looks up at me, an impish grin crossing his face as he removes a nail from between his lips. "And here I was hoping to begin your day with some nailing."

I feel my entire body relaxing as I remember why I have these feelings for him in the first place. It's his ability to make me feel absolutely comfortable no matter what the situation.

"So… I thought you said something about time?" I ask as he puts the hammer on the ground and stands up so we are standing face to face.

He squints at me in mock confusion. "Damn woman, it's been three days, aren't you over him already?" He knocks his shoulder against mine playfully.

I stare at his beautiful smile while I try to come up with something clever to say back. But for some reason no words will come out of my mouth. I suppose because my answer is that I'm not remotely over him yet.

"So… I gave it some thinking, and time doesn't necessarily have to be time we aren't together. We just can't well… you know bang and nail. You said something pretty hurtful to me, that it's possible I don't know you anymore,"

"Pace…" I interrupt, observing the hint of hurt in his eyes.

"Please let me finish," he asks softly. "And what hurt the most about it, was that it was all my fault. I cut you out. I didn't talk to you - for an entire year. And so - I want to get to know you again. And I want you to know me again. And then… maybe some nailing?"

"Pacey!" I laugh as he raises his eyebrows suggestively at me.

"Get your mind out of the gutter Potter, that fence of yours is in desperate need of some repair…. Oh did you think I meant the other kind of nailing?"

I reach out and smack him on the shoulder. And somehow my hand slides it's way down his chest to his hand. He takes my hand in his and we start walking.

We walk all the way into town, a three mile walk at least, and we don't stop talking once.

"I can't believe you managed to find a job as a video game tester," I laugh as we reach our unknown destination, the public dock in the town center.

"Okay but it's work," he says defensively. "It's not just playing video games all day. I have to write test plans, and log bugs and then test to see if the bugs have been resolved, and…"

I stop and look at him. "Pacey, I'm proud of you. I know you're not just sitting around in your underwear eating Doritos and playing video games!"

"Well… obviously not… you know my chip of choice isn't Doritos." He sits down on the dock and pats the spot next to him.

I sit down next to him, my legs slightly touching his. "Right. Pringles. And so they are just going to let you do your job up here?"

He grins, "well it makes the video game playing in my underwear a lot easier if I don't have to go into the office. I'll probably have to fly out to Florida once a month, but everything else I do is online. So I can stay here… as long as I want really."

His eyes seek out mine with an unasked question behind them. He swings his shoe gently against mine. "So what about you Jo? Tell me about your future? Is it here? The B&B? What was the job you mentioned?"

I sigh as I kick his foot with mine. "I've been doing some editing in my spare time. The B&B gives me a decent amount of downtime. And I've also been writing. I'm almost done an actual story. I'm a bit stuck on the ending though"

"Yeah what's it about?" he asks tilting his head curiously at me.

"You know, the usual. Girl meets boy, girl realizes she's actually in love with boy's best friend."

He gives me a small smile. "Yeah… then what happens?"

"She throws caution to the wind and ditches boy for the best friend and they sail off into the sunset." I say softly gauging his reaction.

His looks at me amused. "In the boat that they repaired together. Don't you think that's a little…" he begins.

"Over the top, far fetched?," I supply.

He lets out a small laugh. "I was going to say grandiose. And not really like an end. Imagine if we'd sailed away together junior year? When we returned all of our problems would still be waiting for us. As much as the girl might have thought she was in love with the best friend, she wasn't quite ready to give up the boy." He looks a bit sad as he speaks, as if he's reliving my rejection all over again.

"So you think I should just have them film a porno?" I tease, carefully watching his reaction.

I watch as his mouth spreads into a wide smile. "I'm pretty sure no one would buy that plot! But seriously… I think maybe the best ending is just the promise of hope. The promise of a happily ever after. It could be something as simple as the holding of a hand."

As he says this he reaches out and takes my hand. I look down at his hand holding mine. I'm pretty sure this is his way of promising me a happily ever after.

"And," he adds, hitting my shoulder with his, "some banging and nailing."


End file.
